Sunday, November 27, 2011

Youth's take on socializing in traditional set up.....

I know this topic draws lots of different perspectives. To begin with, the common and popular dialog everyone says or quotes is that of "India being cultural nation and everyone is treated with respect".

Coming to just two generations before us, people would often use respectful words, when they wanted to speak or denote something about some person. The same continued with our parents generation. What happened to our generation?

Being brought up away from cluster of relatives, me and my brother would get offended at the unwanted rituals which were alien to. Like when someone elder comes, even if you don't know them, you have to touch their feet. (My dad would literally hold the back of our necks and throw us at their feet in an unescapable manner). And we would get blessings, sometimes cheek pullings, sometimes bear hugs with unbearable pats on the back, etc. I know these were different gestures to show that the other person was happy to see/meet us.

We (as I speak for my brother too here and know he will agree to it) believe that respect, feelings towards each other should be mutual and should come from within us. No one can demand or gain respect by force or made to do so. In our thinking there is no scope of formalities. Our aim always is to eliminate awkwardness in relations by removing unwanted formalities. We vouch each and every word of the phrase "Be simple, Think simple" in our logic of relationships.

Like, for example, today if I know that someone is not a well wisher of my family, I will not be able to have simple, plain good hearted feelings towards that person. I will not think anything bad to happen to that person, but at same time he/she will never gain respect in my eyes for watsoever reason. This is called action-reaction theory. I know for sure that we never are the first person to start a fight and also are the firsts to mend the breaking threads, but what do you do when you know the person in front of you will never change no matter what?

So I came to this simple conclusion of "HOSTILE" relationship, where if you meet that person, exchange your greetings and say your salutations and leave the place. No more discussions, no scope of any unwanted incidences. Win-win situation for both.

This actually echoes voices of many of my friends who are right now the Gen X people. I somehow feel, that we are the most balanced righteously thinking, balanced, logical thinkers of the times. Our earlier generations were like these Godly figures who would try endlessly to spread goodness and eventually give up and crib. The next generation are of an attitude "An eye for an eye" which is not correct for social and peaceful living.

Also, say when new memebers get added to the family, like daughter in law, son in law,etc. following the tradition, even today , the girls parents treat the son in law with respect and fear, thinking if he gets upset he will not look after their daughter properly. But for one moment, if you stop and think, even your son in law or daughter in law also wants to be treated in simple, plain, manner as you would treat your own children. No special treatments required. I agree in city life, and with educated class of people, this is a changing scenario .But question is why do formalities when you have trusted your child's future with that person?

Like, in festivals, traditional family get togethers, or family functions happen, the host has to invite everyone. Now the logic here is to pass the information of the event over the phone and if you inform one person, it serves the purpose of the call. But then why one has to also talk to the lady of the house, child of the house and individually invite? If you are referring them as a family, then informing one person should work out,right? Why should individual ego be taken care of at the hosts end?

Take example of my parent's new house warming function. Here, we were the hosts. Now when people sit to eat, in south indian tradition, hosts eats in the last batch of food serving. Also host has to go on telling everyone to have their meal whole heartedly and to their tummy's full. Now, my dad went one round, then my mom. Me and my brother were entertaining the other non occupied guests, when my parents turned towards us and asked us to make rounds. My brother was at loss of words but because I was married and had to show and behave responsible in front of the crowd, I volunteered, releiving my brother from his duties. I dont mind going around and meeting people, but then was it absolutely necessary? As if people who are having lunch wont have food properly. Traditions!

My dad has special charm which works in his favour always. He is a very good fun to be around and always is surrounded by beloved because he narrates incidences, cracks jokes and knows exactly who wants to hear what. If you leave him in some function, go away for sometime and come back to find him, you can easily find him in the place, where chairs have broken their traditional straight line formations and encircled around my dad's chair. He gets really worked up and has child like enthusiasm, also not to forget about my mom, when they go to functions which they are looking forward to. Me and my brother rarely do rounds of such functions, because we end up being like amused dolls, which they lovingly display.

They would meet distant, farthest relatives who we would not even heard of and ask us "Do you know who they are?" and mind you, one hand would be readily at back of our neck and the other hand's one finger, would be pointing towards the intended person. This is the regular scene either me or my brother gets caught up into. Also the introduction to dad's side of relatives always start up with "Ghare manne Ashwatha" or "Balepette Nagraja" and after whose who session, I ask my brother "Come again, who is Ashwatha of the ghare manne?"

On personal note, keeping tradions alive, respecting every individuals,etc is a good attitude. But to overdo it and spice it up with unwanted formalities easily becomes a turn off for young Generation. Also, this is one of the biggest reasons why the next generations, slowly has started reducing the appearances they make in any social events. Not that we don't appreciate the yummy food and nice decorations, but  if the all of above gets repeated again and again, how long could you take it?

Monday, November 14, 2011

Ghosts............


I would probably have "daymares" if I can call that, when I hear the word "Ghosts".... I would probably end up losing on my sleep, being awake throughout the night, panic at the slightest sound and even go ahead and imagine few ghostly figures myself, thanks to my subconscious.

I was having talks or rather listening to my colleagues thoughts about ghosts... and though everyone said they do exist, but they had different ways to understand their existence... Like, one said, that ghosts exists as do god.. they are just the 'atman' which has not got moksha in this life and is waiting his turn to be born again in this world........  Another one said, that as there is a positive energy, there is negative energy as well. So the ghostly figures have more of negative powers......

I asked them if one should fear their presence or in my case, at the very word.They answered NO. Surprised, I asked why? They said that to be born as a human itself is a blessing. We have more powers than any form of life created by God/Positive energy..... and the power was to express ourselves and pray or meditate/nurture to god/positive energy within us daily.

This was an intriguing thought. If that is the case, why do we voluntarily not forget the ghosts of our pasts easily?


In every day life, we would have made mistakes in countless way. But what makes us remember them and get afraid or shudder at the thought of them. And mind you the the pain of not being able to admit it in front of others............. I think that is the biggest reason why we cannot forget them, because it keeps pricking in our head.

To be able to give any examples for the situation would just channelize or make believe one, the only streams where we could go wrong. But the areas of mistakes are countless and the best person to know it is "Yourself"


If one is true to oneself and hopefully the subconscious has not been lying to itself, then its the best battlefield to face these ghosts of our pasts. You come face to face with the ghost/s. Go ahead and imagine, if it is a lady in white cloth or a disfigured evil just to help you channelize your attention and agree for a "FACE OFF"

Challenge the ghost and agree to your mistake. The only advantage the ghost had was that we feared it since we lied/denied the mistake. But now that it is done and you have learnt your lesson, look at the ghost 'eye to eye' and say, "CHECK MATE". By agreeing to the folly or one's mistake, one would give the ghost its moksha or remove the negative air around the ghost and let it go.......

It lingered in our subconscious mind and haunted us because we allowed to for so many years. But now that we admitted it and faced our fears, it's time you said "My mind is my temple and the entrance board reads" No ghosts allowed".



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